Where does a good heart come from?
Hey Ted!
We often hear it in conversation “Oh yeah that guy Ted, he has such a good heart.”
We understand the general concept; the person helps others or they are generous or they seem to have no bad intentions. But where does this come from? is it learnt? is it earnt? is someone birthed - with a good heart?
The mind and heart connection
If someone can be described as a good person, they must have done good deeds or said nice things. As humans, we think before we speak and make a conscious effort to decide on how we will come across in each moment. The more we stick to dealing with things in a similar fashion, a pattern is then formed, which becomes recognisable and this then creates character. It’s no different than an actor choosing a role and then sticking to it, the more he or she plays that character, the closer it comes to reality and the better they can play that part. To have a change of heart or to do something out of character is to do something out of the confines of behaviour that you have displayed to others time and time again, you go against the behavioural system you created for yourself and have repeated for a long period of time.
SIDE NOTE A change of heart also means quiting or giving up on something that is attached to your character, like playing soccer for many years, then all of a sudden, you discontinue without hesitation, something you do all the time usually is described as what your heart is into, but really its just something you do a lot. The reason why the word heart is involved is many people cannot explain why they love to do things, they just do them. It aligns with their very nature. So, is it that natural feeling that the heart is inclined too?
We have all felt super good in life and wanted to let in every car we see who needs way on the road, and we have all had our souls crushed and thought: “Why should I wait for you” and drive like we are the only one on the planet!” The character we subscribe to the most (the way we choose to act in each moment), we become, in thought and actuality. It's very much like this old story.
A Native American grandfather was talking to his grandson about how he felt. He said: “I feel as if I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is the vengeful, angry, violent one. The other wolf is the loving, compassionate one.” The grandson asked him: “Which wolf will win the fight in your heart?” The grandfather answered: “The one I feed.”
I gotta need to feed
This means that someone's heart is judged by their actions or their words, which really means they can change their heart at any time because they can always change what they say and what they do. Many people think that they’re just a bad egg - and whether you think you are or you aren’t, you’re right!
Hate to break it to you
People can change the way they act or the way they communicate but sometimes if a heart is too hard, it is almost impossible to change it, it is permanently fixed. It's like going against their nature, or should I say going against their heart. But with this being said, it then leads me to the realisation, that our hearts, were maybe set a certain way in the beginning, and this still makes sense with some hearts being able to change as perhaps a heart was to start bad but to change later, and that was part of its evolution plan all along?
SIDE NOTE Your’re not yourself when you’re tired, maybe its just a personal thing, but I believe that when we are tired, it’s easier to forget things or people or forget to act the way they should in all moments. We, of course, cannot be perfect ever, but I believe our chances of achieving that are lowered when we are tired. We aren't as sharp and we are more likely to react with our emotions, so make sure you get plenty of sleep!
I had a dream
Growing up I had many dreams about demons and the devil, waking up from hellish screams and their scary faces etc. But as I got older and began to learn more about good and evil, I had a dream that changed my very perspective on all of these things. My dream was like many others I've had in the past, at the end of this dream an ugly demon tried to scare me by looking at me and screaming at me, instead of being frightened as I used to be, forcing myself awake, I looked at the demon and felt a sense of intense sadness and empathy for it, I remember saying something like: “ I'm sorry that it is your destiny to be evil and that you have to do this.”
I knew at that moment that some things were set in stone when it comes to the world of good and evil and that we all have our roles to play. What brought sadness to me, is that good always defeats evil and we know this, therefore, some people/entities are born to play on the losing side, cursed for eternity.
Scarface
A scene that stuck with me in Scarface was when Tony was having a disagreement in which he flips it at his girlfriend and shows a lot of aggression and strikes fear into all the customers around him, causing a major scene. She then leaves and Tony sits in the restaurant, along with the people, still staring at him during the aftermath of their public verbal conflict. He then says:
“What you lookin’ at? You all a bunch of f***in’ assholes. You know why? You don’t have the guts to be what you wanna be? You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your f***in’ fingers and say, ‘That’s the bad guy.’ So… what that make you? Good? You’re not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don’t have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie. So say good night to the bad guy! Come on. The last time you gonna see a bad guy like this again, let me tell you. Come on. Make way for the bad guy. There’s a bad guy comin’ through! Better get outta his way!”
This scene reminded me a lot of my dream and leads me to believe that the God that created this universe allowed and supplied good and evil spirits and hearts. God knows why, haha, for every Hitler a mother Teressa. The owners of these good and bad hearts have no choice but to play their part, it's not easy being good and it ain't easy being bad either.
God has made everything for its purpose, even hurtful and unjust oppressors.
Life’s a movie and all I ever did was play my part. Freddie Gibbs
Good kid, bad kid?
Another thing we have all heard is:
“Ted’s such a good kid, he shares with his friends, and always lets all the kids join in to play basketball”
When you’re a child and growing up, the food we give to our hearts are mostly prescribed by our parents and the rest is generated from our surroundings, other influences, and what we are exposed to. We think a lot as children and in adolescence, but because our brain is so sponge-like when it comes to learning new things, we can consume people’s thoughts and ideas a lot more easily, not really knowing what wolf they may be going to be. This can be seen in many children being religious at first, but then when they grow up to be free thinkers, many times they drift away as the food that acted as nutrition before, can now be opted out and switched for different cuisine. Or perhaps it was food they never liked anyway but they ate it to make their carers feel happy.
Where’s the hearts place in all this?
The more I write this article, the more I feel like having a good heart is more about thinking and doing like a good person does, and not necessarily having a good heart beating in your chest. People often say “listen to your heart”. But what does that mean? Listen to your truest thoughts? This expression leads us to believe that our greatest desires are locked in our hearts with some sort of key, that we open by listening to our heart — but what with — our ears? Can our heart communicate wishes to our mind? And if we have to somehow access what is in our hearts, did we place the ideas/desires in our hearts, to begin with, and then forget? Or were they placed from an unknown source to us?
Barbershop wisdom
I’ve had two great barbers in my life, and they both have given me almost identical advice, except actually, a little different. My old barber said: “You should never show a girl your weakness. You should be strong and not expose your softer side for along time with a woman if you wish to keep her. My current barber, who is now going through a divorce, told me: “ You can't be weak. You have to be strong and you must think with this (pointing to his head) not this (pointing to his heart).” He explained to me that a lot of the time, women can tell when a man lives from his heart and then they live from their head and capitalise on a man’s heart and create some sort of manipulation, the same thing can happen when a man traps a woman with controlling behaviours.
Love is that feeling inside that makes you wanna do anything for someone and be their hero, however, to be that hero you must use your strengths and the more you do this the weaker you become. Our heart is always willing to love, as that is what it is designed for, but giving that heart to the right person is essential for longevity. However, your heart can be deceitful and make issues and problems attached to a person become invisible because you’re thinking with your heart, not your head, so you may ignore red flag behaviour due to you loving unconditionally.
“When your time comes, you must lead with your head and not your heart”
Bjorns mistake
The quote above was from the popular TV series Vikings, it just so happens that a character in this show, Bjorn, gives us a perfect example of how sometimes, if you do not use your head and subscribe solely to your heart, there can be dire consequences.
Bjorn is the son of the main character of the show, Ragnar, who is the gold standard of how a Viking should live his life. He has children and many riches and a wife called Lagertha, who fights alongside him in battles and kicks ass always. Bjorn looks up to his father, and when he is of age he finds himself a wife who is quite similar to his mother. Quite quickly it is made know that Bjorn's wife Ingrid is with child, it is a pregnancy which is in its early stages. However coincidentally, in this period of time the Vikings were gearing up to raid. Ingrid had her heart set on fighting by Bjorn's side for her first-ever raid, and for Bjorn, it seemed like a rite of passage, like father like son — fighting alongside his wife etc. However, Bjorn’s first instinct was to reject her request as he said to her “I dont think it is a good idea as you are with child”. They went back and forth arguing and eventually Bjorn thought with his heart and didn't want to deprive Ingrid of her hearts desire, so he folded and let her have her way.
Unfortunately, life is not always a fairy tale, and in the actual battle, she sustained a head wound in the fight that would leave her face permanently disfigured. There was a point in time when it was thought that she wouldn’t survive her injuries. Ragnar broke the news to Bjorn about this and straight away, heart beating out of his chest, Bjorn blurted out as he was scared for the future. “But she is with child!”
Ragnar then came with no remorse for Bjorn’s decision making and said “I can't even look at you”, he then said, “You have the strength of a man, but the will of a little girl”. He also told Bjorn that every time Lagertha was with child he refused to let her go — and to be honest, that was the best course of action. This story shows that if you’re not careful with your own heart, your gift of love can be your own downfall. We must be realistic and stay level-headed, it's okay to love, but we must be serious when the time comes.
SIDE NOTE It’s easy to burn out when you’re a lover because you want to put that person first, but you must remember to love yourself. If you say skip the gym or whatever your hobby is, sometimes doing things for them or spend more time with them it is okay. But if it cuts into your own self love and care time so much that you find yourself getting fat, or losing skills, or underperforming at work, this can lead to a downfall in the relationship, as you are becoming less and less like the person they signed up for in the first place. And if losing your performance in areas that are important to you makes you less proud of yourself, or love yourself less, this is already the beginning of the end. Balance is the key, love someone, but don’t forget to love yourself. Its’ all about respect.
Teach the children
Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.
It is the same principle as with children, if we always give them what they want, they become spoilt and lack discipline. They become expecting and demanding. Love should be seen as spontaneous, but also be approached tactically, implementing things like guidelines, expectations, boundaries, etc. This can be established with clear communication.
You're getting soft
People say you can change your life by just having a cold shower every day, and it's true! It's not the shower itself that will change your life, but gathering the balls each morning to get willingly blasted with the icy spray. It’s actively choosing discomfort and then making it your slave. I used to eat food with no sauce for almost a year and people would always question my sanity. I was doing it originally because most sauces have a lot of sugars and other “bad ingredients”, and I was counting calories, looking to get gains with no negative interest. It turned out that the best benefit I got from denying myself the small pleasure of some tomato or BBQ sauce, was me getting stronger every time I resisted. Every time we compromise, we lose composition. Every time we let someone else steer, we lose direction on our mission. Discipline is a religion with strict rules. Learn these and become well versed. It not only will boost your testosterone but will also help in any areas you need it to, even learning to say no is an extreme tool. I quit alcohol for 1 year and got called every name under the sun, but I wouldn't let them break me. At first, they wouldn't take my no for an answer, until after a while, as I faced them time and time again, they didn't ask anymore. That was when I had reached legen…. wait for it…. dary status.
Going around in circles
Unfortunately, I am. A heart feels and we think what we feel, and we can think what our heart feels. it's indescribable. It's instinctual when a song comes on if we like it, we just do and we don't know why. It is the same if someone sees a lost dog in the storm, they either take pity or don't.
I can't even really write at the moment, as I feel like my heart has been hardened recently and I can't get into the zone and let God guide the pen, and this could be because I have been living outside my normal characteristics, which means my heart may be effected and my heart needs to be aligned with God to write anything of value. I really know a good heart comes from God as he uses the tree analogy
A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit, you will recognise them.
I believe this is the truth and that our lives are a constant test to fulfil our destiny, which is already prewritten in the greatest book of all the one God holds in heaven.
Then I saw a great white throne and him who was seated on it. The earth and the heavens fled from his presence, and there was no place for them. And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Another book was opened, which is the book of life. The dead were judged according to what they had done as recorded in the books. The sea gave up the dead that were in it, and death and Hades gave up the dead that were in them, and each person was judged according to what they had done. Then death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire. The lake of fire is the second death. Anyone whose name was not found written in the book of life was thrown into the lake of fire.
In school, we learn, then we are given a test. In life, we are given tests that we have to learn from.
“I the Lord search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.”
Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the heart.
My advice would be:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will straighten your paths. And if you feel that your heart is too dark, too bad, too dirty, then pray this prayer: Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
God Bless
ALL GLORY BE TO GOD
Written by Luke Gaymer (Residuous)
