Good Grief.
No one wants to be in that moment, no one wants to feel the pain. Why can't things just be the same, I never wanted to see your face in a place that ill never get to see again.
For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you.
For everything there is a season,
A time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.
Most of the time when someone gets in an accident or sustains a serious injury, their life is effected in such a big way that people usually say
“This is such bad timing!”
But tell me this when is a good time to break your leg? I say never.
When is it a good time to lose a loved one? I say never.
But then I think some more and think, that's not up to me to decide, people are not a carton of milk that we can stamp an expiry on, no for we humans are worth far more than every living creature in the world.
What do we do when the time comes?
Our typical response to death is to grieve and to mourn but is there such a thing as good grief, and bad grief?
Surely I am not talking about good ways and bad ways to respond to the death of someone you care about, well sorry I am.
A dear friend of mine was faced by this crossroad only a few weeks ago due to the passing of his father, he is very supportive of all my endeavours I choose to embark on including my articles, he asked me if I could write an article on grief. Of course, I said yes but I also thought, what do I know about grief?
We have all lost somebody but I haven’t ever lost someone so close to me as Chris did, it was hard to understand, but when I saw him shaking and crying carrying the coffin it was easy to feel.
Chris’s Curse
Chris has lived a remarkable life and has done some extraordinary things, been to some exotic places and met some people that you and I may only dream of knowing. It would be easy for Chris to be a bragger, but he is humble, it would be easy for him to horde his riches, but he is generous. It would have been easy for Chris to quit when he’s father died, but he did not!
Let's give a bit of context here, Chris was an is a very hard worker in-fact he told me one day that he worked so much that it affected his health negatively, he was addicted to the hustle and the grind and was making major moves until he needed a major operation, a triple bypass.
After this Chris got into the drinking scene as a way to relax and socialise, enjoying the fruits of his labour so to speak. He had made a good living for himself and work wasn’t something he thought would be healthy anytime soon. A few drinks down in the city became a few too many and Chris now had a habit on his hands. Chris became conflicted about trust and love in his life when he was a street shark among the suits he did not have time for women, he believed that they would only slow his process and that they only wanted expensive dinners and to be treated lavish, and he was half right, other woman did in-fact take advantage of Chris, and this affected him. To top it all off people at clubs and pubs would pretend to befriend Chris only to try and capitalise on him after he had had a couple of wines. The would ask him for money or try to get him to sign bits and pieces of paperwork.
This left Chris feeling lonely, paranoid, longing for love, depressed and unfulfilled.
Chris told me his best advice to give me, was to find someone and marry them so you can be happy and have a family and not be alone.
This Chris I explained in the later is the Chris I met four years ago on one of my first shifts as a bartender. People may change from hero to zero from rags to riches but a heart of gold remains. We like Chris cause Chris is honest, kind, respectful, smart, funny, supportive and true. Chris has struggled with alcohol and other issues for many years, as a friend you naturally want things to turn around for people so you try the best you can, I told him to contact girls from his past or maybe try online dating, and he would set things up and put things in motion and something would always happen, something would always go wrong! A few weeks before his father’s passing Chris decided he wasn't just going to get sober for a week but for a whole 6 months we were all super proud, 2 weeks later he lost his father, Chris always had a reason or an excuse before to drink now, he had the biggest one at his disposal. I was heartbroken that this would happen to Chris and because of the despicable timing of it, it was insidious, it almost felt like Chris was cursed.
I was getting ready for the funeral and I was worried about what outfit I could whip up in time my mother said dont worry too much about it and I said loudly! “ he just lost his dad the poor bastard I have to be there for him!” I said this out of pure frustration of the situation, it just seemed to bad to be true. After all Chris had been through he had been hit with a sledgehammer of grief too, not to mention he had to try and save his father before he died by giving him CPR until he could no longer. Chris had the best reason to fold, the best reason to quit, but, how could we forget that Chris’s father came from Sparta the warrior blood ran through his veins, and instead of submitting to his circumstance Chris got on a white steed and charged like a wounded bull! Chris’s father runs a popular restaurant in the city’s harbour district, In his father's absence, Chris was quick to fill in and help his mother run the place and stepped up in a major way, this was and is, alongside his current duties which were and are, numerous.
Grieve Good
I still think I dont know much about grief but after learning from how my friend Chris acted I feel I know how to respond, to respond to grief is to rise and it is not just to rise but to honour the deads wishes, to be what they know you can be, to do what after there passing, must be done. To continue to be a good woman or a good man or to learn to become one in someone's absence. For all tears will eventually be wiped and the might of the warrior must take flight, We must keep strong and keep composed.
Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage one another with these words.
ALL GLORY BE TO GOD
Written by Luke Gaymer (Residuous)
